Time for Personal Incrementalism

I have to say, I’m not a fan of New Years’ resolutions because I feel they are usually based in self-deprecation.

It’s as though we’ve developed a national tradition of beginning each year by picking ourselves apart, finding a fault, and setting a goal that will focus our attention on that fault, all year long.

I ask you: What kind of a way is that to begin a new year?

I believe in a moderate approach and beginning the year in the spirit of self-kindness.

I’m speaking from a little bit of experience here. I’m fitter, stronger, and leaner than I’ve ever been in my life, although I’m still a far cry from being a Yoga Journal calendar girl. Still, I say this with some pride because, at 46, I’m obviously also older than I’ve ever been in my life.

When I started my yoga practice, nearly a dozen years ago, I found a gentle path, and since then I haven’t launched any new workout routines or crash dieted. Still, every year I get a little healthier, I weigh a little less, and I can do something I couldn’t do the year before. (You can read my post about the connection between yoga and weight loss at this link.)

I know that in an era obsessed with immediate transformation, I’m talking about something that seems awfully dull and slow. I like to call it Personal Incrementalism. Still, I’ll bet you that my PI will blow the reduced-calorie whipped topping off of your NYR in the long haul, and I’m suggesting you give it a try in 2008.

So what do I mean by Personal Incrementalism? As one of my friends would say: Eating the elephant one bite at a time.

It’s simple: Instead of trying to overhaul your life, identify the small changes that matter the most to you and make them.

Every New Years Day for the past five years, I’ve held a workshop at my yoga studio. We practice asana, take a walk in the country, have a standing meditation, and then practice restorative yoga. At the beginning of the workshop, I ask my students to set an intention for the year. I ask them to write it on an index card and slip it under their mat for the duration of the workshop and then take it home.

My intention is usually spiritual in nature and addresses something in my life I’m working on. Last year, after a relationship ended painfully, I realized how quickly I can shut down and become defensive when I feel hurt or threatened. This year’s intention is to try to approach all situations in my life with an open heart (and a big, deep breath). I’ve written that down and am keeping it in a place where I can reference it often, to use as a touchstone when I feel myself throwing my emotional emergency brake.

I also like to set a physical goal, and although it has taken different forms over the years – reducing my swimming times, learning to rock climb – in recent history I’ve done something that I’m encouraging my yoga students to do this year: Pick an asana that will be a challenge and then try to learn it by the year’s end. I do this knowing I’ll need to spend the year addressing the components of my chosen pose.

Two years ago, my goal was to be able to get both feet off the ground in a pose called Eka Pada Koundinyasana, or what my 11-year-old son calls “the break-dancing pose”. (Also, a big thanks to my son for taking these pictures!)

To do this, I had to work on increasing my core and arm strength. I had to become more flexible in my hamstrings and my hips, and learn the mechanics of the pose – the muscle memory of how it should feel. Basically, this means I had to figure out where my limbs would end up. I also had to learn how to exit the pose without collapsing on my mat in a heap. At the end of the year I had lift off, which was incredibly exhilarating. The next year’s goal was to be able to perform the same pose on the other side of my body. (I kid you not!)

Last year’s goal, Parivrtta Surya Yantrasana or Compass Pose, encouraged me to continue working on my hamstrings and hips, and my ability to twist more deeply. I also had to work on loosening the chronic tightness in my outer shoulders.

I’m not certain where I’m going this year, but in line with my spiritual intention to keep my heart center open, I’m thinking it will be a back-bending pose. (My son thinks my goal should be a pose where I put my foot behind my head because one of the girls in his fifth grade class can do this and he thinks it’s incredibly cool. My sweetie is afraid I’ll get stuck there.)

My motivation for my physical goal is to increase my fitness, continue to decrease my weight, and have fun along the way. Always, one of my goals is to treat myself kindly.So, I encourage you to throw out any self-deprecating NYRs and replace them with goals that will make you feel good about yourself all year long.

Consider making small changes that will benefit your health. Choose activities that use as many of your muscles as possible. If you walk for exercise, consider swimming to involve more of your body. Dance whenever you can. Think about reducing the things that don’t benefit you – smoking, drinking, diet sodas, high-fructose corn syrup (as examples) – and increase the things that do, like quality sleep, massage, exercise, spiritual practices, and great lovemaking. Consider eating foods with less fillers and preservatives, and drinking more water.

But most of all, take a vow to treat yourself kindly.

Happy New Year, Namasté & Blessed Be.